One of my biggest goals in life is to be that Grandma that everyone looks at as unflappable.  The one that is the pillar of strength for her family.  Small but mighty.  A warrior.  The one that no matter what happens, her faith remains and inspires generations to come.  Not from anything she DOES per se, but from where she draws her strength.  That when her family looks at her what they see is Jesus IN her.  That doesn’t happen overnight, it happens over a lifetime.  Letting the Lord shape each and every part. I’m realizing I have a long ways to go.

As I was attempting to choose my word for 2018, I had several that came to mind.  None felt quite right.  At first I thought of “different”.  It seemed to fit because I DO want to be different in everything I do in life.  I want people to see Him in me.  I thought over and over and just couldn’t settle on it.  “Remain” is what came next.  Remaining in Christ.  Yes, that’s it.  I mulled it over, meditating on it… noooo… that still isn’t quite right.  It was through my imperfect reactions that God revealed the word He wants me to focus on this year.  Rooted.

Yesterday started off well.  I spent time with the Lord and He breathed life into me.  2017 was a tough year if I’m being honest.  Many battles that I’ve shared publicly and others I haven’t… and I’ve been so weary.  My daily time with the Lord has been my oxygen.  When I don’t have it, it shows.  Yesterday morning I felt strengthened by Him to take on the day.  To encourage others.  To love on others.  Then something didn’t go the way I hoped and I REACTED.  Oh what a perfectly human thing to do, right?  I think the problem was I had such full belief in how this situation was going to work out that when it didn’t go the way I had envisioned, it was a gut punch.  I’m not even going to paint the picture pretty.  I was angry.  I was cussing.  Yep, I was.  Not proud, but it’s reality.  Then I spent the remainder of my day curled in a fetal position of defeat (I’m being quite literal.  I laid on my couch with a hoodie pulled up. All day.)  Last night when I climbed into bed (at 8:45) and chose to reflect, pray and spend MORE time with the Lord, I asked for Him to reveal where I went off the rails.  I heard the word “rooted” right then.  My roots aren’t deep enough.  Oh, I have roots.  They are daily getting deeper as I allow Him to grow me and be my source of strength.  However, in some areas they are still quite shallow.

I was reading a familiar passage and it hit me in a completely new way.  “Trust in the Lord with ALL of your heart and LEAN NOT ON YOUR OWN UNDERSTANDING; in all you ways SUBMIT to Him and HE will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6 (Emphasis mine).  I had begun the day trusting in the Lord, but in this certain situation, I was absolutely leaning on my understanding and NOT His.  Here is what hit me, my own understanding is based on facts that are VISIBLE to me.  My perceptions.  MY understanding is just that… how I understand a situation.  What is going on behind the scenes can be a totally different scenario.  When I lean on my own understanding, I react with my very human emotions and forget all about trusting in Him.  I forget about my roots.  I forget about where my hope comes from.  Honestly, I can make a real hot mess of things when I react.  When I trust in Him to control my words, my reactions, my future and submit MY ways to Him, I can trust that He can take what appears to be a twisty road under construction and make that path straight FOR me. Does that mean I don’t play a part?  No.  I believe that the Lord wants us to be active participants in our lives, it just means that I rely on Him for the strength to do so.

I remember being a little girl and always loving willow trees.  Corkscrew willows and weeping willows, I loved them both.  You get immediate gratification with them because they grow really quickly.  Oaks on the other hand, while beautiful take FOREVER to grow.  I remember my dad explaining to me that willows are pretty and grow quick, but they struggle (particularly in our climate).  He explained that their roots are shallow and on the surface and they look for a shallow source of water.  When the Oklahoma storms come (wind or ice), they are the first to go.  They don’t have the roots to whether the storm.  Oak trees on the other hand tend to last.  Their roots dig deep over time and find a water source deep beneath the surface.  If you looked at them from year to year, you might swear they weren’t budging, but in fact they are getting stronger and stronger. Who doesn’t desire quick growth?  Who doesn’t want to go from nothing to something QUICK.  Of course we all do.  It might look good at first, but IT DOESN’T LAST. When that storm comes, you fall.  I want to be the Oak.  I want deep roots.  The only way to become that Grandmas I envision is to do the work each day. Time with the Lord, fall down, evaluate, confess, try again… allowing Him to be my source of water each day.  Rooted.