It’s no secret that adoption is something I’m passionate about.  The beauty of seeing something restored never gets old for me.  Restoration.  It doesn’t happen without a hardy, yucky middle.  The reality is that even though adoption is beautiful and incredible, the very fact that it is necessary is heartbreaking.  In a perfect world, families would be whole.  The end.  We don’t live in a perfect world however, so I’m thankful that God puts families together in such an amazing way.  The whole process of choosing to adopt is fraught with doubt, confusion, fear, excitement, hope, more doubt and many leaps of faith.  It’s one of the craziest things because when you make this particular leap of faith, there is no shortage of people reminding you of ALL the things that can go wrong and all the ways that your heart can be broken.  The crazy part about that is… your mind has already gone there.  Your heart is fragile and open and you KNOW that there is a very real possibility that it is going to be shattered into approximately 5.2 millions pieces.  For whatever reason, God has chosen YOU to this and you just try to trust that He has a plan and knows the “whys” to all the fears racing in your mind. He sees the end, we just see the uncertain middle.

Nothing can prepare you for the moment you get the call.  2 years ago, after my brother and sister in law watched us finalize our adoption (after an 18 month journey through foster care), they embarked on their own fostering journey.  She was a sweet little one and while I don’t know what ran through their mind, I know what ran through mine when I got the call for our Josie and then again for Zoey.  You say “yes” and you have this whirlwind period of a few hours trying to get every single thing you need to prepare for this child.  Then, just like that, after a few hours notice, you have a new child in your family.  They are there.  Vulnerable.  Facing what no child should face.  Having been removed from their home and in a strange new place with strange new people that are their strange new family.  Can you even imagine?  I remember looking at my little one’s face and crying myself to sleep from the fear written all over it.  I will never, ever forget that look as long as I live.  So while I don’t know their exact emotions when they got the call, I can imagine, because I’ve been there.    They got the call, they said yes and the journey began.  Over the past two years there have been all the imagined highs and lows.  Much of which I won’t share because it’s not my story to tell the details.  We fell in love with this sweet girl knowing that she very likely would not remain in our family forever.  The story had begun and we hit the hard middle.  Last year my brother and sister in law were told that she would be leaving on Christmas Day.  CHRISTMAS DAY.  Y’all.  It was brutal.  This picture is from that morning and what you don’t see is that I’m behind the camera trying not to cry.  Taking this picture so that my kids would never forget their cousin.

We took the pictures, we smiled, we opened presents and I prayed silently the whole time begging God for His best for my niece.  Because here’s the deal, He loves her more than any of us ever could.  While we believed that her being in our family was His best for her, the reality is that He sees the whole picture and I begged God to do His will (and silently hoped that His best was her coming back to Andrew and Kelsey).  After opening presents, there was a lot of hugging, crying and trying to appear strong.  We left, I bawled.  Hurting for Andrew and Kelsey.  Trusting that the story was not complete… it wasn’t.

Very shortly thereafter, in a crazy turn of events, she was returned to Andrew and Kelsey.  Again, the details are not mine to share.  It immediately became a journey towards official adoption.  Right now, I’m going to praise my brother and sister in law.  When you foster, it’s called being a Bridge family.  The goal is to bridge with the bio family to keep whatever relationship is possible.  Sometimes (as in our case), you are unable to bridge.  Then other times, you do it beautifully.  Andrew and Kelsey have done it beautifully.  They “did life” with my nieces siblings.  They kept relationship with the family that they could keep relationship with and they have truly loved every person in the family.  LOVED them.  Today, 11 months after she re-joined our family, my niece (I’m intentionally leaving her name out) became “official”.  We had her “gotcha” day and I choked back tears.  How faithful is our God. Was this His original plan for her?  Of course not.  His original plan was a whole family with her biological parents.  He took what was broken and restored it to a family full of love for her.

This story is not over (it’s never over the day the adoption is final, it’s just a new chapter).  The sequel is about to begin.  In the next month, my niece’s siblings and cousin will be joining the fold.  My brother and SIL will go from having 1 child to a family of 7.  Be praying for them as this new story begins… They’ll need it!

If you know people or love people going through fostering or adoption, here are just a few nuggets I’m going to leave you with.  Love them.  Listen to them. Don’t fuel their fears… they have already thought about every single possibility.   Don’t question their decisions.  They have made that leap and they didn’t do it blindly.  They are raw and vulnerable and their heart is split open wide.  Help to love that tender heart.  Don’t add to the vulnerability.  If they already have other kiddos, try not to judge every parenting decision that they make (certain that they are going to damage their bio kids).  Trust me, they are already questioning every decision they make and they FEAR that their act of obedience will mess their kids up for life (if the foster children leave).  I promise.  I’ve been there.  I know the hot mess that their emotions are.  They are doing their best in every capacity.  LOVE THEM.  Give them grace.  Offer support without judgment.  Remind them that they are showing their kids what to truly love is.  It’s loving without guarantees.  It’s sacrifice.  Also, remember that the journey doesn’t end the day the adoption is decreed.  Kids that have been through trauma endure that for life and the process of restoration is a long one.   It’s amazing, but it’s hard.  Just love them and offer some encouraging words every so often.  We need it.