Words have kind of been my theme for 2016.   I whispered a quiet prayer at the beginning of the  year and said “my words are yours”, in my head I had this fear that meant He was going to have me speak more or do more zoom calls.  I had forgotten about the nudging the previous year to start this blog.  If I had remembered that, I would have really been nervous.  At the beginning of February I was at the IF:Gathering in Austin, Tx.  On the final day we had a domino.  On it we were to write our next step, what we knew we were being called to do.  On it I wrote “use my words for Him without fear.”  Easy right?  Ha. The funny thing about the Lord is that often when He shows you an area that you are going to work on, it shows up everywhere.  In my daily Bible reading, how we are to use our words is written over and over and OVER.  I read a chapter in Proverbs daily.  I’ve done that since high school, through college and up until the past few years.  I fell out of the habit for awhile, but started intentionally reading them again.  Words are a hot topic there.  The thing is, I’ve had a blog post I have wanted to write for quite a while on words.  Specifically the words we speak over ourselves. God just hasn’t let it completely form in my head.  That’s the post I want to write.  I haven’t felt Him urge me to do it yet.  This is the post I do not want to write.  Not even kinda.  So what is the topic?  How we use our words to speak about others.  SUPER DUPER FUN TOPIC.

If I had realized that God was going to use this blog for me to lay myself bare, I might have procrastinated a bit longer on starting it.  Putting your sin nature out there for the world to see kind of sucks.  The funny thing is, I find vulnerability absolutely beautiful… in other people.  There are some topics I have no problem writing about, even if they would cause someone else to feel ill.  Topics like fear, anxiety, etc… those are not hard for me.  Admitting that I can on occasion gossip, um… no thanks. So lets rip that band aid off shall we?  I’ve never been the typical “mean girl”.  Meaning that I do not like or participate in tearing down someone for the heck of it.  I’m not going to laugh at their clothes, hairstyle, appearance, etc.  That sort of thing makes my heart hurt.  I adore my friends.  I’m protective of them, their names are safe on my lips.  So I’m safe right? That puts me in the clear, not a gossip.  Right??  It’s easy to make these cute little “gossip” categories.  Friend: Off limits.  Bashing someone for sport? No go.  If I see you put something terrible on facebook that makes me crazy, I’m allowed to say that to someone. Right? Be mean to me?  Hurt me? Drive me bonkers? Well, that’s totally different, right?  That is “allowed” and not considered gossip.  I mean, if you hurt me, I’m just “venting” and that is understood.  Right?  Oh wait, that’s just how I justify it.  This is where I can fall flat on my face.

The Bible makes it very clear.  Our words have power.  They are either life giving or they are poison.  There is no middle ground.  And I’m coming to understand more and more that I have not used that power wisely all of the time.

“The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing” Proverbs 12: 18

“The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” Proverbs 18:21

“Fools show their annoyance at once, but the prudent overlook an insult” Proverbs 12:16

I do not want to be reckless with my words.  That “venting” where I gripe about all the wrongs that someone has done me is reckless.  If you can hear the emotion behind the words, what we are usually saying is: “They hurt me.  That lie, I’m scared others believe it.  They made me feel small.  They made me feel vulnerable.  This feeling is awful.”  Instead of just saying that, it’s easy to point out the other person’s flaws.  How they have done us wrong.  If the other person can join in with other accounts of how this person has wronged them also or someone they know.  Even better.  Awful right?  That venting session is like putting a bandaid on a gaping wound.  It does NOTHING.  In fact, it’s likely going to cause more harm than good.  If that wound really needs stitches, a bandaid is not going to keep it from breaking open over and over.  Best case scenario: we are left with a nasty scar.  Worst case scenario: we get an infection that affects our whole body.  When I’m hurt by another individual or frustrated or whatever… it’s not a bandaid I need.  I need to fall on my face and let the Healer put me back together.

Giving this over to the Lord for the past several months means I have had LOTS of chances to do better.  It also means that anytime I’m tempted to vent, gripe about a facebook post, whatever, I feel a check in my spirit.  It’s that moment of choosing “do I keep my mouth shut here and say something wise with my words or do I slay someone’s name with my tongue”.  The more times I choose the first, the easier it gets.  I try to picture each person as the Lord does.  An imperfect person that He died for as well.  I try to remember that they are hurting.  That a hurtful action is likely coming from a wound of their own.  Do I get it right every time?  Unfortunately no.  I’m human and we unfortunately fail.  I am refusing to accept that failure though.   I desire for my lips to be somewhere that every person’s name is safe on.  That’s what the Lord desires too.  If I’m using my words for Him, then ALL of my words have to be used for Him.  The words that I speak when I’m frustrated. The words that I speak when I’m angry. The words that I speak when I’m hurting.  The words that I speak when I’m annoyed, tired and cranky.  I’m trying to be careful how I swing my sword these days… Other people are not the enemy. Satan is.  The sword needs to be aimed at the right offender.